Alpha Center for Divorce Mediation

We consider children the most important issue in any divorce or separation. There is ample research and evidence indicating that actions of the parents during and after divorce greatly impact the well being of their children. Fortunately, there is a wealth of information to guide parents. See our Articles page.

Laws about Children and their impact on families

LAWS ABOUT CHILDREN:
The law says that the focus of all decisions about children should be based on meeting their “needs”. Because their needs and the circumstances of their parents can change, all decisions about children are subject to change. The law covers parents and children until a child reaches age 18 or graduates from high school.

The law refers to two types of “custody”. The first, Legal Custody, is the right to make important decisions about the children including their medical care, their schooling and other legal decisions. In most cases, both parents have equal rights to make these decisions.

The second, Physical Custody, concerns the amount of time the child spends with each parent. The most common arrangement is that one parent will have primary physical custody and the other will have partial physical custody. This means that the child will spend more overnight stays with the parent who has primary physical custody.

Recently, there has been a trend toward more "Shared" physical custody. Under these arrangements, the overnight stays with each parent are more evenly divided.

CHILDREN'S NEEDS

I need to know that my parents' divorce is not my responsibility. I need a developmentally appropriate explanation of why the divorce is occurring.

I need to spend time with both of my parents, regardless of grown-up wants and wishes regarding convenience, money, or their feelings. It is important to receive continuing care and guidance from both of my parents. I own visitation; it is my right, not the right of my parents.
I need to have a regular daily and weekly routine, one that is not filled with alternating patterns and disruption.
I need to not have to blame or choose sides.
I need to be able to like both of my parents since they are both a part of me and I need to be reassured that this is okay.
I need to love many people (stepparents, relative, etc.) without guilt or being made to feel disloyal: the more love I give, the more I have to give - and the more love I receive.
I may be angry, sad, and fearful and need to express those feelings.
I need to not have to make adult decisions.
I need to remain a child, and not to replace a parent in my duties nor to be an adult companion, friend, or comforter to my parents.
I need to never have to choose with whom I live. This is a decision for wise adults. Having to make such a choice will always hurt someone else, and therefore, myself. I may feel this way even when I'm a teenager and people wish I were able to make the decision - I can never choose between my parents.