Oct 4, 2013

Government Shutdown: What our Divorce Clients Can Teach our Government

Education and Events

In the past few days I have been searching the internet and news programs for any sign of progress in this government shutdown mess.  As a professional who has dealt with divorcing couples for 18 years, I see many familiar patterns between the governing parties and divorcing parties.

Here are the common threads of negative thoughts:

•  Their conversations mostly often involve demonizing the other party
• Their primal instincts tell them that their “survival” depends on the other’s “downfall”
• They each have their voter base, friends and family  reinforcing these combative notions
• They feel justified in abandoning their own integrity to undermine the other
• They state that their citizens and children are their most important concern but they act in a way that continues to bring irreversible harm to them.
• Those that depend on them are powerless to stop their irreversible harm
• Nobody wins and everybody looses

Here is what the government can learn from our wise divorce mediation clients: 

•  There are no good and bad people; only (mostly) good people in bad situations
• Mutual survival is best for everyone; especially true for dependent children and citizens
• Those who are standing in your “corner” don’t have a view of the big picture
• Holding your integrity and being respectful will bring about the best solutions now and in the long term
• “Do no harm” is the only true way to honor our commitment to those who depend on us
• Feeling real compassion for those who depend on us will lead us to act in their best interest
• Everybody gains from cooperative solutions

Although I don’t expect Obama or Boehner to knock on my door any time soon, I do hope they find a way to wisdom.  Our divorce mediation clients have a lot to teach them about navigating conflict.