Sep 16, 2020

New Partner After Divorce: Fueling the Divorce Fire, Part 3

Blog, Cheating and Infidelity, Divorce Mediation, Divorce Survival

New Partner Revives Pre-divorce Emotions

Finally, there is one more surprising anomaly that I have observed in my years of working with divorcing couples. After I have guided them through to a settlement and the divorce is final, you would think that dating would not cause a problem. However, out of the blue, I have received an angry email or phone call from a past client whom I thought was fully settled into their new life.

In most cases, the divorce was amicable, the settlement jointly decided and the children successfully co-parented. So it is assumed that the divorce flames are merely dying embers, but sometimes that is not the case. When one ex-spouse brings a new serious relationship into the mix, the fire begins raging again sometimes as hot or even hotter than it was before.

Reaction to New Partner can be Volatile

Sadly, in some cases, the new partner is threatened by the old one so intentionally disrupts the flow of the amicable post-divorce relationship. In other cases, the spouse who wanted out of the marriage does not want the other partner to move on. Or the prior spouse is threatened by the new partner, especially in regard to the children.

All these scenarios will often lead to people to want to renegotiate their financial terms and/or custody schedules. Of course, if they head into litigation, they will find lawyers willing and able to take their money to fight the fight. The good news is that clients who have worked through our mediation program trust our advice, so we are able to address their legitimate legal and financial concerns while directing them into counseling to address their emotional concerns.

In conclusion, it is always better to put off starting a new relationship until you have fully concluded your divorce. Even then, don’t be surprised if the flames of divorce flare up again when there is a new partner in the picture.

For more information, check out these two articles:
Are Your Children Ready to Meet Your New Partner?
Introducing a New Partner to Your Kids

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