Feb 16, 2022
Divorce – The Truth about being Brutally Honest with your Spouse
It is apparent that in a divorce action that emotions will likely get the better of us from time to time, resulting in hurtful and damaging outbursts to the other person. If we agree to expect that our own bad behavior and that of others is an inevitable part of life, at least we can prepare for damage mitigation. The parties need to process anger, fear, and aggression when they are trying to communicate constructively through the mediation process. The raw emotions that people express can impact the way that a case will proceed through the mediation process
Michael Hughes, Esq., an attorney-mediator at Alpha Center for Divorce Mediation, discusses honesty and effective communication between spouses.
Effective communication is not just positive speaking, it is good listening. When you or your spouse have negative comments, positive communication can be difficult. Take a time to breath and think. Do what is important for the mediation process. Take the time needed to calm down and return to a state of reason before attempting to mediate and address the differences that you have with your spouse.
The best part of positive communication is listening to the other person. Yes, communication is not just speaking, it is listening. Listen in a way you would listen to the birds chirping on a spring night. Include yourself in your listening — understand what you are listening to. By listening this way, you can be both present and responsive to yourself and your spouse. This way of listening can help you develop a positive relationship in the mediation process and move forward in a positive way with your spouse during the process and even after the decree is issued.
It is important to know how to listen more effectively when the words that are said can impact the mediation process and you can have a great say on how the process moves forward in a positive way.
Accordingly, it is important that you do not engage with threats of any kind. Do not allow threats to halt the mediation process. It’s better if the threat or negative comments are just allowed to be swallowed so it can dissipate while you maintain a safe distance. This, again, can help both you and your spouse move forward in a positive way in the mediation process.
One must remember that the person who is lashing out is often the person who feels emotionally overwhelmed and is unconsciously engaging in behavior to make the other person feel what they are feeling. To the extent you’re able to understand this, it is an expression of emotion rather than fact and again, you are being the smarter person to keep the mediation process on track.
It is important to remember that the mediator that you choose will help you through this process and keep you and your spouse on the path to successful completion of your marital settlement agreement.
Alpha Center for Divorce Mediation