Jan 27, 2021
DO NOT WAIT IF YOU NEED A DIVORCE!!!!
No sensible individual would ever suggest that anyone abruptly decide to divorce. And in my experience, no one really does that. Yes, there are feelings that lead to discussions of divorce, sometimes very angry and agitated. In fact, most couples likely experience the entire range of human emotions before concluding that divorce is the solution.
Once You’ve Made the Decision – Move Forward
Once a couple has exhausted counseling and reconciliation attempts, they should not wait to begin the divorce process.
Just Separating May Leave You Vulnerable
In Pennsylvania, there is no legal separation. A couple are either married or divorced. Some couples simply choose to live separately, without any legal proceedings.
However, both parties have left themselves legally and financially vulnerable to the other party. As long as you are still married, you are responsible to some degree for the acts, debts, misdeeds and crimes, whether big or small, of your spouse. Many clients tell me that their spouse would never deliberately do anything to hurt them, but sometimes that is wishful thinking and feelings can and do change.
The other reason not to wait is the emotional one. Divorce causes suffering for everyone. The emotional stages of divorce are not unlike any other loss. But the stage that is the most difficult and causes the most suffering is called “transition.” It means that everyone knows what is happening, some steps have been taken, but there is no resolution for anyone about anything. They cannot see what lies beyond the limbo; they cannot make plans, and this state of limbo undermines well-being for everyone.
A litigated divorce only prolongs the suffering, with each person working against their own best interest. What is in their interest is a mediated divorce.At the ALPHA CENTER, we move our couples through the mediation program. We want our couples to make their decisions and move on. The suffering will end, and the parties can see life unfolding in front of them. They no longer need to look back and can look forward.
Debbie Y. Schneider, Esq. is an attorney-mediator with the Alpha center for Divorce Mediation. Click here for her profile.
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