Mar 11, 2019

Poof! Make my Marriage Disappear!

Divorce Mediation, Divorce Survival

Actress Anna Faris, who shares a five-year-old son with Chris Pratt, recently said that “it feels so easy to get married” at first, but “the untangling” of divorce gets messy.

Take the Time to Untangle the Right Way

At some point during the decision to divorce, people may wish they could just make their years of marriage disappear. Along with all the tangled relationships, events and pain. They just want to turn over a new leaf, putting all their desires into a new hope for a better life. A clean slate.

Without figuring out how to handle your exit, all that baggage will stay with you. But facing the difficulties may take some heroic effort on your part. Divorce is not simple. It’s not just a legal document.

It’s Not a Snap and You’re Done

• How will you share this decision with your spouse?

  The time, the place, the words you choose, the compassion and respect you show will often set the stage for the emotional atmosphere going forward.

• How will you tell the children?

  Will you both be able to practice united, loving co-parenting? What needs do they have now? Do you need to call in the pros? Remember you are parent for life? How do you want your children to see you?

• How will you tell your families?

  Let them know it’s a joint decision. Ask for their support especially if grandchildren are in the mix. It might feel good for a little while to have a family member be pro-you and anti-your ex, but it won’t last and it will do long term harm. If your spouse has had a special relationship with someone on your side of the family, don’t torpedo it. As you move forward, they may become part of a very extended family.

• How to tell your friends and co-workers.

  Again, consider what you say and how you say it. It may be inevitable that some friends will disappear, but cherish those who stay around. As for your co-workers or your boss, keep it short and as positive as possible. Don’t jeopardize your job by dragging your co-workers into ‘dump’ sessions and stay focused on work. A manager needs to have more than just your body in that chair. If your company has an EAP, use it, use your sick and personal days when needed.

• How to figure out the finances, household, relocation, child support, spousal support?

  Get competent legal advice. These decisions will affect you for the rest of your life and may carry into new relationships. At the Alpha Center for Divorce Mediation, we ensure the financial separation is equitable, mediation makes it possible to address all these issues from a neutral and safe viewpoint. Alpha places special focus on children’s well-being during this unsettling time. Avoiding the contentious atmosphere often found in litigation, we help our clients navigate toward decisions that they can live with.

These are just a few of the areas you need to figure out, so you can move forward unencumbered. Do your best to untangle every knot. As you move through your divorce, you will encounter other situations that you will want to settle before moving on. Keep your focus on a clear vision of the future you want.

For more resources, check out these articles:

A Heroic Effort: Choosing to Make the Best Decisions During a Divorce

Is It Time to Call in the Pros?

Your Divorce and Other People: Answering Awkward Questions

©2019 Alpha Center for Divorce Mediation