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Mar 13, 2018

Don’t Let Anger Derail Your Divorce

Blog, Divorce Survival

It’s impossible to go through a divorce without experiencing some anger. And usually you both experience resentment, abandonment, disillusionment, sadness, loneliness, guilt, and fear. Anger is a powerful emotion that requires a great deal of energy, adrenaline and resources. In some cases, the anger may consume you to the extent that you become stuck, unable to move forward. Or the toll anger takes drains all your emotional resources. It leaves you feeling depleted and unable to take action or use your energy in a productive way.

Avoid the Anger Trap

Unchecked anger can result in a lengthier, more hostile divorce process. It can lead to misdirecting your energy toward emotional retaliation, to inflict pain instead of working toward a healthy resolution. So it is vital for your own well-being to manage your anger before you can with the legal aspects of divorce. In a sense, you must first emotionally divorce yourself from your spouse. Without making this effort you run the risk of wasting time and money, adding to the emotional upheaval for you and your children. So don’t use valuable energy on establishing who is to blame. Don’t let anger sabotage your ability to make reasonable, sound decisions for yourself and your children.< /p>

How to Acknowledge and Manage Anger During Divorce

Make Angry Energy Work for You

  • Do an anger inventory — Is your anger consuming, in a way that is destructive and prevents you from moving forward? Is your rage causing you to feel compelled to inflict the same emotional pain on your spouse rather than focusing your energy and attention on yourself and the divorce process?
  • Accept the inevitable — Anger is a natural emotional response to feelings associated with divorce. Look for ways to vent your anger in healthy way. Try communicating your feelings directly to a therapist, friends and family. Well-meaning friends may devalue or minimize anguish of divorce in their attempt to subdue your anger. Find the right person to share the reality of your feelings. Learn to recognize when the anger is consuming and interferes with your ability to make sensible decisions. Give yourself permission to focus on your needs and nurture yourself.
  • Channel anger into taking action — Action during divorce may involve creating a parenting plan, finding support for yourself, getting your financial house in order and other lifestyle decisions. Channel anger away from retaliating against your spouse and redirect it toward work, exercise, nutrition and making healthy connections.
  • By managing anger during the divorce process, you can regain a sense of control and emotional stability that helps you adust to a new chapter and look towards the future.

    For more tips on making it through divorce, see our guides on the Alpha Resource Center site: New Beginnings

    ©Alpha Center for Divorce Mediation