When you’re in a state of upheaval (and what divorce isn’t an emotional rollercoaster?) you’re in such turmoil that, typically, self-care gets jettisoned. Last week, we looked at the first step – reclaiming your physical well-being. Now we’re moving into how you can rebalance your emotional life.
The metaphor of the emotional rollercoaster is apt. You’re ambushed by fond or fraught memories. You walk a tightrope, trying to balance your fears, anxieties, anger and sorrow. You battle with resentment, while trying to keep your children out of the fray. No wonder you’re exhausted. You can tell yourself to get a grip, but what you really need is not to contain your warring emotions but to put them in perspective. The trouble is that you’re at the wrong end of the telescope.
Now is the time to confide in a trusted advisor, a clergyman, counselor or perhaps a close friend or relative. If you have a divorce mediator, he or she could refer you to counselors, both for you and your children. Most therapists will charge fees on a sliding scale if finances are a concern.
Having a safe place and a dedicated time to sort out your emotional turmoil offers you a reliable outlet to prevent emotional overload. The right counselor can be both compassionate and dispassionate, empathizing with your distress while suggesting other vantage points from which to consider your situation.
You’ll need to make a good number of decisions about how to proceed financially and logistically to safeguard your children’s future and your own. You need clarity and reason to make the best choices, so you can’t afford to allow your emotions to drag you off kilter. Sure, get together with friend to work out and vent; blow off some steam by shooting hoops or dancing the night away. But seek level ground as you forge ahead with your new life.
©2015 Alpha Center for Divorce Mediation
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