No matter what each couple’s particular circumstances are that have lead to the decision to part ways, approaching your spouse about your decision to divorce is unfamiliar territory, causing intense anxiety and stress.
There never seems to be “a right time” to have the discussion. Choose a time when you are alone at home. If you have children who are living at home, make sure they have plans that will allow the two of you privacy for several hours, even overnight.
Have a general idea of what you would like to say, such as “we have both invested a lot of time and hard work into our marriage, but I have come to the realization that it would be better for me if we each went our own ways.”
Avoid providing the reason for the decision to divorce as being involvement in another romantic relationship. This only complicates an already difficult situation for both you and your spouse. For couples with children, informing your children that you are involved in a new relationship should not occur for at least one year after they have been informed of the divorce. Children need at least that much time to adjust to all of the changes that are happening as a result of the decision to divorce.
Even under the best circumstances, communicating with your spouse about moving forward in legally parting ways can cause conflict. To neutralize the conversation, be mindful to present only factual information about your options and avoid blame.
Discuss why you feel mediation is the best choice for the two of you. Following the conversation up by giving your spouse information that can be reviewed and evaluated on his/her own gives him/her an opportunity to think about the options and ask questions. Respect that your spouse needs time to digest all of the information you have presented and encourage communication about the options.
Mediation through the Alpha Center prioritizes working together along with the expertise and guidance from professionals to make decisions about your money, property, and children. These critical decisions about your lives should remain under your control, regardless of the length of your marriage or your stage in the life cycle.
Unfortunately, when a couple opts for separate divorce lawyers, the courts most often make these decisions for them. Many times couples leave the litigation process after years of high conflict and astronomical costs. After choosing mediation, everyone has a more positive focus and more money to rebuild their lives.